Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Getting to bedtime

What time is it? How much longer til bedtime?

       When I became a mother almost nine years ago I had grand ideas about how my career as a mother would be. I would be intentional. I would be sweet and peaceful. I would discipline with a purpose of character building and I would never be angry while I did (more on this later). I would relish all the days of my little one's life as I knew they went by too fast (more on this too). I would love my children and love being a mother. 
         Well, life doesn't always happen as we plan them. At least my life has not. I live to get to bedtime. My husband works in the restaurant business and is gone a lot. More than either one of us would like. With that life circumstance as it is I am the only parent on duty more days then not. I have found myself just living the days on a perpetual countdown to bedtime.

       Now, please know that I am not writing this to await a gold star for honesty. I am ashamed that I have taken this gift of motherhood and hurried it along. I've rushed them to breakfast, lunch and dinner. Rushed to and from errands and play dates. Rushed to and fro and then rushed them off to bed. Why? So I can have quiet. So I can mark something off of my to-do list. So I can work on my own, without interruptions. So I can feel I've accomplished something. Are you seeing the problem with this mentality?
I am not the focus in mothering. It's not about me!!!

     I was called to motherhood. I was blessed with these little girls. BUT, that doesn't give me the right to use my days for my own gain- for my own comfort.  I am to bring up these children in the Lord. I am to teach them His ways. Instead I am teaching them that mommy is too busy for the little things; that I am too anxious for quiet, and cleanliness to bother with enjoying their littleness. I am teaching them that motherhood is a burden-something to endure.

   I know what your thinking. There are lots of bloggers out there that have written about finding purpose in motherhood. I am not trying to compete or re-invent the wheel motherhood priorities. I am just sharing the epiphany that hit me awhile back. 

                                                     I am to enjoy instead of endure.
I have not mastered the art of living in the moment, and enjoying all the bumps along the way. I have not figured out the best way to schedule our day so that I don't go crazy with not completing a to-do list. I have not discovered any magical way to get all my children to obey the first time, or to keep the house clean.But,  I am a work in progress- still seeking the Lord and praying He reveals a clear path to find the balance.

How do you find the balance? How do you get to bedtime?    

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